Many women’s claws come out and they
assume their ass-kickin’ Matrix stance when they hear some gal say her husband
is babysitting.
BABYSITTING?!!!!
This
man is a father – his children’s legal guardian for
flip’s sake. He. Is. Not. Babysitting.
True dat. But a lot of the
time, it feels like he might as well be.
Here’s why:
1. It’s a business arrangement. You might not
have to stick some Jacksons in his waistband, but you’ll pay. Whether
it’s a night out with the guys, keeping your yap shut when he ignores the dirty
dishes (again!) or some major baum-chicka-wow-wow time, you owe him for his
services.
2. You
feel like you’re overindulging. Given the pay arrangement outlined
above you’ve got to ask yourself, “Can I really afford this?
3. They
are only fully employed when you aren’t there or are on your deathbed.
Literally on your deathbed. If you are home and not lying in bed
with several broken bones and oozing sores someone’s going to ask you to do
something.
4. You leave a ton of instructions. You
want to make their life easier by making sure they know the schedule, the
rules, and things like So-and-so likes her hot-dogs peeled and cut into ½ inch
think semicircles.
5. The fear factor. While you’re gone you
envision everything from an army of first responders being dispatched to your
doorstep to the kitchen floor carpeted in Doritos.
6. You lay down the law regarding TV, Internet and phone
use. Because some people need reminding that watching a game or
surfing the web for hours on end while the kids do God-knows-what is not the
best childcare method.
7. Due to unfamiliarity with the house, you put things
out where they can’t be missed. A box of diapers on the kitchen
counter seems like overkill. But. . . if someone doesn’t know where you keep
fresh tubes of toothpaste should you really leave such matters to chance?
8. Your kids will have a great time doing shit you’d
never let them get away with. Goldfish and fruit snacks for dinner.
Playing dress up with Mommy’s keep-your-grubby-hands-off new
outfit. Going to bed two hours late on a school night. Yes.
Yes. And (Dude it’s an effing school night?!) yes.
9. If they clean up and do some laundry you do a happy
dance. You didn’t think this was in the job description, so, woo-hoo,
this is going above and beyond expectation.
10. Somehow, even when things go not exactly as you’d have
liked, everything is fine when you get home.
If you are one of those
women whose husbands totally kill it in taking an equal if not greater share of
the housework/childcare load, then shut the front door, and know we envy you.
Make your hubs give
Daddy lessons to the rest of our dudes, who dance between being an extra
child and a full-fledged partner.
So yeah, technically no
father should be called the babysitter.
But if the title fits,
go make him a t-shirt.
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