From the very moment she announces her pregnancy, she’ll be the center of attention — not you. Get used to it.
When the baby comes, they’ll both be the center of attention — not you. Aren't you glad you had nine months to practice going unnoticed?
Are you about to make your mom and dad grandparents for the first time? Get ready for some ambivalence. There’s no such thing as a young grandparent; give them some time to deal with the shock.
She will want to use a birthing center. She will want a midwife. She will want a doctor. She will not want an epidural. She will scream for an epidural. Cesareans will sound great; they will sound awful. Agree with her always.
Her sense of smell will be so acute, you’ll be tempted to airlift her to join a search-and-rescue team.
You will be short on cash. You will not buy clothes for yourself for a year. You will consider canceling cable. You will never own a flat-screen TV. But there will always be money for a crib, three car seats, two strollers and more plastic things in Day-Glo colors than you can throw a rattle at.
Yes, you’re holding the baby wrong. Do it her way.
By the time you change your third diaper, it will seem like the most normal thing in the world.
Be careful about the word we. For instance, never say, “We didn't mind amniocentesis at all.”
There will come a day when you’ll be your child’s hero. Enjoy it — it won’t last.
Contractions are funny things (not ha-ha funny, either). When she says it’s time to call the doctor and go to the hospital, it’s time to call the doctor and go to the hospital.
You’ll be surprised and amazed how well you can function on so little sleep.
Your child will like her best for a long time. You’ll get your turn — it just comes much later.
Tell everybody about the birth. It’s one of the few times people will be genuinely happy about your good fortune.
No one knows why babies use so many clothes, especially since they don’t get out much. It’s one of life’s little mysteries.
It’s perfectly normal to stare at a sleeping baby for two hours. It’s even normal to videotape a sleeping baby for two hours.
Whatever bad phase your kid is going through, you’ll find a solution. However, by the time you do that, he or she will be on to a new, even more confusing phase.
Things you thought would make you sick but won’t: baby poop, baby pee, baby puke — and having all of them on your shirt.
Pregnant sex is a wonderful thing.
While we’re on the subject of sex, it’s called “making love” and will be for at least a year.
Take a flask to the hospital.
She’ll have the appetite of a truck driver—and for good reason: she's feeding your child! Save the commentary.
Try not to talk incessantly about your baby at work. There’ll be plenty of time for that when you get home.
If she wants drugs during childbirth, go get the doctor. Don't ask, "Are you sure?"
The delivery room is the only place where screaming and pushing can actually strengthen your relationship.
Sometime after the birth, you and your wife will go on a “date.” Midway through, you both will start missing the baby.
You’ll get more advice from your childless friends. Parents will usually shrug and say, “It’ll pass.”
You don’t really have to be in the delivery room.
Breast milk is to your baby like the yellow sun is to Superman. Lay off the bottles in the fridge.
It’s great to be pregnant — for the first two weeks. After amnio, genetic testing and lectures on breech births, you’ll be filled with a mix of anxiety and elation for the rest of your life. Give your parents a hug.
Within six months, you’ll resume some semblance of a sex life.
By FitPregnancy
No comments:
Post a Comment