Instances When I Believe Children Need Us To Gently And Firmly Overrule Their Choices And Follow Through

If our toddlers could let us know when we are giving them too much freedom and causing them to feel uncomfortably powerful, they probably wouldn't…at least, not verbally.  But these uneasy feelings are usually expressed through our toddlers’ behavior as they become more resistant, whiny, distracted or clingy, or continue to test until we give them the help they need. Meaning, until we make a choice for them. Here are some instances..

Hurting themselves or others is an obvious one. Sometimes we can offer the child the choice to hit or kick something safe, stomp their feet, or do something else to encourage them to safely to get their feelings out. Always acknowledge the feelings, no matter how overly dramatic or inappropriate they might seem.

Repetitively taking toys is usually a sign that the child is asking for help with boundaries and needs to be gently stopped.

Car seats area common source of struggle for parents. I don’t believe that children feel comfortable choosing when (or if) they should get into the car seat. They can choose to get into the seat themselves or be helped.

Choosing clothing should be the child’s prerogative within reason. But I don’t believe in allowing children to go out in uncomfortable, revealing or otherwise inappropriate clothing.  For me, this is neglect, not respect.

Leaving our child to go wherever we need to go must be non-negotiable. Again, always acknowledge the child’s feelings, assure her you’ll be back and then separate with calm conviction. It is torturous for a child to be in limbo attempting to keep us there longer while we waver.

If our children aren't getting the clear, consistent boundaries they need in one of these areas, their general sense of comfort and security can be diminished, which often causes them to test boundaries in other areas as well.

Navigating this delicate balance between freedom and boundaries is never easy (especially for those of us who aim to please), but these endless hard choices we make each day with our toddlers are a sure sign of our love. Deep down our children know that…and how much they need it.